Harry Potter and the Imaginary Friend: Chamber of Secrets
by Arei-The Peridot Dragon
Summary: Things get hectic in Hogwarts. Beth struggles to keep Harry out of trouble and more importantly ALIVE. Book Two started folks! Please read HPIF and the Companion piece first!
1. Prologue: Summer Vacation

Harry Potter and the Imaginary Friend: Chamber of Secrets.

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Prologue: Summer Vacation.

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Harry James Potter was currently having the time of his life, though it had taken a quite bit to get to this point in his summer hols.

He was currently over at Draco's house with Hermione and Ron where the two other boys were trying to coach the nervous girl on her flying. She would go no more then three feet from the ground as she was of the belief that her feet should never have left the ground in the first place. Surprisingly though, despite her fear of going any higher, more her fear of heights in general and her lack of trust in the broom, her control with the broom was actually quite good despite her fear.

Harry grinned as Sirius Black, his Godfather, called out gentle instructions for the girl to try spinning in place for a moment to help her learn to control the broom when experiencing more then just the normal forward/back and left/right movements from where he sat on a stone bench. Moony, or Remus Lupin, who was another friend of his departed parents, simply watched the scene with a serene smile despite looking tired and weary after his recent bout of illness. Harry had yet to get the nerve to ask what his illness was.

Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy were sitting on a neighboring bench, also watching the children as they played. Lucius Malfoy though, was looking just as tired as Moony and soon stood to leave the group and wandered back into the house as he rubbed at his forehead. Narcissa watched him with what Harry could only refer to as a 'regally concerned' look before turning to converse softly with her cousin and his friend.

Harry turned back to his own friends just in time to see Hermione pin a glare on Ron (He'd been teasing her about her need to hover as close as possible to the ground without actually touching it) before she suddenly lashed out and grabbed the tail of his broom which caused the red-headed boy to yelp as he fell off his broom and landed on the grass. Everyone burst into laughter as Hermione sniffed mock-primly and spoke with a grin.

"Sorry about that," she said sweetly. "I thought the snitch was hiding in your brooms bristles."

"You Blatched me! I can't believe you did that!" Ron said as he sat up with an incredulous expression on his face. A moment later he stuck his tongue out at her which caused more laughter.

Harry glanced around though, reminded by her comment that there was indeed a low level snitch flying around for him and Draco to practice with somewhere. 'Low level' meant that the snitch was not as fast as either a school snitch or a official match snitch. As he looked around he caught sight of his Imaginary, Beth, as she lay in a tree. He flew over to her side and smiled at her as she looked at him from her perch.

"Hey Beth! Welcome back!" he called.

"Hello dear Harry," she responded with a lazy smile and raised up on her elbows. The branch she was resting on was just wide enough for her to maintain her balance on said branch despite having one leg dangling. "Tis good to be back. We are all set for the school year this time 'round. I'll not be leaving you unprotected. How are you this morn'?"

"Great!" Harry grinned.

"Good. I'm glad we were able to straighten things out. You have been sulky for too long," Beth leaned back against the branch once more and Harry let out a faint, if slightly strained, laugh at her comment.

What had needed to be 'straightened out' was a small problem that seemed to have been affecting the wizarding Post Owls. Harry had sent off many letters to his friends at the start of the summer break and while the communication lasted long enough for them to get their little project regarding Squibs and Muggle-borns posted into the Daily Prophet, shortly after that all letters from his friends stopped.

He'd been confused, worried and then upset when he stopped getting letters, thinking that maybe he'd done something to offend his new friends or that they had somehow, impossibly, all gotten hurt at the same time despite being in different locations in the country. Hence why he'd ended up sulky for a week on end.

It had taken an irate call from Hermione on the telephone to find out that the others thought that HE was ignoring THEM. When he assured the bushy-haired girl, who for several long moments wouldn't let him get more then the SOUND of the beginnings of a word out, that he HAD been sending them letters and had gotten no response from them, she had gone into full investigation mode to figure out what was going on.

They hadn't actually been able to figure out who the culprit was but the instances of disappearing mail stopped shortly after Hermione started looking for answers.

THAT problem solved, or at least halted for a time, the children had set up several times over the vacation to meet at each others houses. First Harry's place (His Aunt had had him and Dudley cleaning for hours to make sure everything was spic and span and the Wizarding born boys were fascinated by his cousins video game systems), then Hermione's (Ron and Draco had learned a lot about Muggle dentists at that point, even getting their first ever check ups, both getting clean bills of health due to their magical heritage. The Granger's in turn learned that Wizards and Witches had very little problems with tooth decay unless they took too many unsavory potions or had Hag or Giant ancestry), then Ron's (Honestly, Harry had to admit that he really liked it at the Burrow as it had such a homey feeling and his Aunt and Mrs. Weasley got on like a house on fire once they started talking cooking) and now they were at Draco's.

The visit to the Malfoy's home had actually started off a bit roughly. The group, (Hermione, Ron, Harry and their respective parental figures) had been met at the Malfoy gates by Tippy, one of many of the Malfoy family house elves. Small little things with wide eyes and big floppy ears.

Seeing Tippy in what amounted to 'an expensive pillowcase' the Granger's as a whole and Aunt Petunia had immediately gotten their hackles up. They hadn't said anything at first, but when Mrs. Granger had polite inquired about Tippy's state of dress (they always dressed that way) and if they got paid (they didn't)... well... Harry learned where Hermione got her temper from right quick.

Things might have gone very badly at that point, Mr. Malfoy had been rubbing at his forehead constantly through the argument, obviously suffering from a bad migraine as the adults began to argue and he tried to stop the fight. The women in the group, Hermione included, had almost hit the point of screaming at each other about House Elves being blatant slavery or not.

Hermione was especially upset with Sirius as he hadn't told her that the 'Kreacher' he often ranted about was a house-elf.

No one other the Remus had been allowed over to Sirius's house yet as they were STILL cleaning the place and getting rid of, or storing, various items. The most Hermione knew of Kreacher was that he was 'a foul tempered git' and she had just thought he was a paid family butler that ended up with a bad nickname. Sirius got lit into right quick about 'keeping a slave' and she looked about ready to kick him for it and only refrained from doing so because he wasn't trying to argue and just held up his hands defensively. Harry wondered if he'd been in such a argument before and had learned that keeping his mouth shut would lead to the best chances of 'surviving the storm'. Maybe Harry's mother had snapped at him in a similar manner when SHE found out about house-elves?

Harry was at a loss as to what to do as, at that time, he did not have Beth with him (she was very knowledgeable about sentient magical creatures). She was gone at that point, making her report for the upcoming school year early. While she may have just made her report near the end of this last school year but she did not want to hit a point where she would not be at his side during the next year and was seeing if she could change when her report was due to be with him throughout the whole of the school year as she worried something else might happen at the school during his second year and was trying to insure that she would not have to leave his side.

Really, having a Prophecy about him didn't help that particular worry and despite the school being warded and the assurance that Dumbledore would en-devour to avoid a future 'friends close, enemies closer' bit of logic as he had suspected something was wrong with Professor Qurriell early in last years school term (Aunt 'Tunia REALLY lit in on the older man when she'd found that bit of information out upon arrival of the message via post owl. She'd actually demanded for Dumbledore to one; pick her up and bring her to the school for a sound scolding, thankfully After the end of year feast and two; had him transport them directly back home afterwards at which point Harry was grounded for putting himself in danger so recklessly) did not do much to put his Imaginary at ease. She'd been almost painfully on edge by the time she went to try to rearrange things with her superiors. Neville's Trevor had apparently joining her in the attempt.

Harry had finally lit up on an idea however after he got his thoughts back on track and despite his Imaginary being gone at the time.

"Aunt 'Tunia? Mr. and Mrs. Granger? If I may?" Harry said, trying to keep his tone firm and not let it shake with nerves... he didn't much succeed as his voice squeaked on the last word.

This however caught the attention of the others and the women all seemed to get looks that could be referred to as 'annoyed amusement' as they turned to look at him. He cleared his throat nervously and tried to give a small smile.

"Beth always tells me that you can't assume that a magical creature will think the same way that humans do. Even she, knowledgeable about humans the way she must be in order to do her job, sometimes just doesn't understand why we do things," Harry was picking up speed now as he talked. "Why not, instead of fighting over the situation, ask the House Elves WHY they serve the way they do, without pay and without real clothes?"

THAT idea stopped any further argument, each Granger understanding that they might well not be understanding the House Elf culture, and Narcissa led everyone inside to one of the sitting rooms before summoning the eldest of the family house elves, Pippy, to answer everyone's questions about House Elf well-being.

"How can Pippy help Mistress?" The elderly looking House Elf asked when she 'Popped' into the room.

"Our guests are not from the Wizarding world Pippy and do not understand House Elves. They perceive your service as Slavery," Narcissa said, not unkindly. "Mrs. Granger in particular has questions for you. Please answer them and help us to clear the air of this misunderstanding?"

"Of course Mistress, I would be honored," Pippy bowed her head low before turning to Mrs. Granger. "I am being Pippy, House Elf Matron of Malfoy Manor. Your questions Missus Granger?"

Mrs. Granger cleared her throat at that and then nodded her head once to herself. "I understand that all you wear is... is rags or pillow cases with holes? Isn't that... demeaning?"

"Oh no Missus Granger, this is not being demeaning to wear rags," Pippy pulled at the corner of one bit of cloth. "Is demeaning for us elves to wear clothing. Rags or pillowcases or sheets are a compromise to cover our bits and protect the sensibilities of our families. We's normally going about without clothing if we's not around humans or ifs we are cookings and cleanings."

"Eh?!" Hermione squeaked with a blush as she realized what the elf meant. "You.. you go around naked?"

"Whens on our own we's do not wear clothing," Pippy said firmly. "House Elves not needs clothings like humans, in fact, clothings is abrasive to our skin. Baggy bits of cloth like pillows or rags can be worn to cover while not hurting our skin too much."

"So you mean," Mrs. Granger said with a tilt of her head, "that if you wear clothing like we do for too long that it will cause... something like a rash or worse?"

"Yes, Missus Granger," Pippy said with a firm nod of her head. "Very few elves can wear clothings for long periods without pain. We's normally only wear clothings with our family calls on us, then we's takes it off when we's not needed. Greatest insult, greatest failure, is when family gives House Elf clothing. Means that House Elf failed family and must leave."

"Alright. I can understand that part of things," Mrs. Granger said with a nod.

Harry had leaned forward at some point in the conversation, along with Hermione, Ron and even Draco. They were all somewhat fascinated with the new information they were learning about yet another Magical Species. Though Draco managed to keep up a slightly bored expression despite his own interest, even he hadn't known most of the 'whys' behind House Elf ways.

"But what about payment? Don't you want money for your labors?" Aunt Petunia asked next.

Pippy's face took a pinched, insulted expression for a moment before she took a slow breath and let it out in a soft huff.

"Excuse me Missus, but that is ALSO insulting to suggest. More so then a 'gift' of clothings," Pippy seemed to shake herself.

"But... why? If you are doing the work then you should be paid for it," Aunt Petunia said with a frown.

"We IS being paid for it. But not in monies!" Pippy all but snapped and then went still and took another deep breath before bowing her head to Narcissa. "Pippy is sorry for loss of temper Mistress."

"This is a sensitive matter for you Pippy, all is forgiven," Narcissa gave an indulgent smile to the elderly House Elf.

"Thank you Mistress," Pippy turned back and remained silent for a few moments before continuing her explanation. "Wizards pay us with excess energy."

"Eh?" Came the echoing question.

"Wizards and witches have lots of magic in their Cores. House Elves not be having as much magic, though we's utilizing what we's having differently then wizards and witches. Families pay us with the excess they don't use and this in turn helps keep our families magics healthy. We's absorbing that excess magic like you's drinking water. We's needing that link to a being with a strong Core as we's needing it to survive... in most cases," Pippy frowned a bit and tilted her head as she thought of how to explain further.

Hermione startled the others when she clapped her hands together and shouted, "Oh! Oh! Like the remora!"

"The re-what now?" Ron asked with a blink as Harry laughed behind his hand at Hermione's enthusiasm. Draco, too, looked confused by the outburst.

"The remora," Hermione said eagerly. "It's a sucker fish that attaches itself to sharks and eats any of the bacteria that would be unhealthy for the shark. The remora gets protection, as sharks are at the top of the food chain in the ocean, and the shark is kept healthy thanks to the remora in return for said protection. It's called a Symbiotic Relationship because both parties get something good from the arrangement! I read up about it after watching the Discovery Channel Shark Week special last month," at the sudden amused looks she was getting she suddenly sat back and blushed. "What? It was interesting!"

"Is alright little miss," Pippy said with a gentle smile. "Is exactly like that. We's do much the same. Very rare the House Elf that can live without that link. If the link is broken, which is symbolized by givings House Elves clothings, and the House Elf isn't able to finds another family to serve, then we's eventually dying or, if nots dying, then going mad."

The group was quiet for a long moment. Pippy suddenly tilted her head and nodded to herself.

"Another thing to helps the missus understand differences 'tween ours and yours?"

"Yes?" Hermione asked eagerly, leaning forward.

"Ifs I's said that elves breed infrequently and onlys with Mistresses or Masters permission how woulds you react?" Pippy held up a hand to stop Hermione from immediately answered. "Thinks first, then answers."

"I..." Hermione frowned before she nodded to herself. "I would automatically assume that they were denying you the right to love and have a family."

"Yous would be wrong then," Pippy said firmly. "House elves breed infrequently because breeding almost always guarantees baby elf. It also guarantees that the male house elf dies if baby elf made."

"WHAT?!" came the surprised yelps of the Granger's, Harry, Ron, Harry's aunt and Sirius. Remus, Draco and his parents were all nodding sadly at the elder house-elf's words. This was one of the few things Draco had known about.

"As Pippy said," Remus started, clearing his throat. "House elves had small cores normally which is why they need a family to 'attach' to. In most cases a small core isn't detrimental when having children, otherwise muggles would be in trouble, but for house elves the male elf literally gives up his core, his very life force, to help forge the new life within the female elf."

Eyes widened in response to Remus's words and Hermione and her mother both teared up.

"That's... so sad," Hermione said. "You can't have a family?"

"Not likes humans," Pippy said with a small shrug of her tiny shoulders. "We's find potential mate by spending years with each other but is greatest of honors and greatest of sacrifices for male elf to be chosen as a sire and not just as companion. Does you understand why I say this?"

"You want us to understand the differences between humans, muggle or magical, and elves," Mrs. Granger said.

"Yes," Pippy nodded once and then leaned forward. "Yous MUST understands we are not the only ones who is different. Trying to force human ways on creatures that not be humans could get you killed if yous insult other magical beings."

Confusion abounded for a few minutes before Hermione's eyes lit up.

"Like Centaurs!" she breathed. "The books say they are very prickly about human interference."

"Yes missus," Pippy nodded. "They's be nice to 'foals', kids, cause yous don't know better, but an adult that makes same mistake? Is dangerous to human adults health to try to force human ways on centaurs. Most gets killed for their attempt. Learn others ways first so's you don't insults them. Remembers; your way is not THE way."

The group was silent again for several long moments, digesting the information that was being shared with them. Mr. Granger leaned forward a moment later.

"Are there any other downsides for you?" Mr. Granger asked. "Being bonded to a particular family I mean?"

"Yes. If the Family uses lots of magics for evil purposes then the leftover magics can be unhealthy for a House Elf and makes them not right in the head," Pippy shook her head sadly. "Even magics made to do good things can be used for bad things. Some spells are inherently good, some be bad, but most just be... there. Depending on how the families USE the magic will depend on if the magics around a place be tinted 'bad'. Wes can also be affected by family choices in magic use evens if they nots be at home."

"Huh," Sirius said, interjecting himself into the conversation suddenly with a blink. "So Kreacher was driven nutso 'cause of my family? He wasn't born crazy in the head? I mean, from what I know he would have been surviving off of his bond to me even with me being in Azkaban for so long, but wouldn't being bound to me help him... not be so crazy?"

Pippy shook her head slowly. "House Elves come to reflect the magics of the family they serve over all. If the Family is bad, the elf goes bad unless they can attach to a specific family member who is not using their magics for bad things, though they can still be... twitchy, even then, because they have been around badly used magic for so long. The opposite is true as well. Elves in good families can be assigned to a bad member and be driven mad cause of that one bad magic user. Dobby's can be an example of that here since current Master took over as head of family."

"Wait, what?" Mrs. Granger looked a bit on the defensive again, despite her confusion, and Narcissa held up a hand to forestall the explosion.

"Hermione is a brilliant girl and reads a lot of history, has she mentioned the last Wizarding War?"

"Something about some 'Dark Lord' causing the fight over some nonsense about blood purity, right?" Mr. Granger asked with a raised brow.

"That sums it up," Narcissa said with a weak smile. "There are spells that we call 'Unforgivables'. Three spells that guarantee a lifetime in Azkaban."

"That's the Wizarding world's version of the Rock... um, Alcatraz," Hermione offered to her parents with a smile then clarified for the others. "Supposed to be an inescapable prison for Muggles."

"Quite," Narcissa said with a nod. "One of these spells is the Imperius Curse. It takes away your free will and makes you the casters puppet. Depending on your will you can fight off the spell but most cannot, especially if you are taken by surprise."

"I am sad to say that I was a victim of the curse," Lucius said with a pained look to his wife. "I was forced to allow the Dark Lord in question into my own house and become one of his followers. When I managed to fight free of the curse long enough to try to help my family to flee he'd felt the break and caught us. He cursed Cissy as a punishment and a warning as he... suffice to say Draco will always be an only child unless we adopt."

Everyone looked suitably horrified, even though Harry and the others had heard this from Draco himself it was still horrible to hear even a second time.

"To help our family, to keeps them safe," Pippy said softly. "We asks for a volunteer amongst us. The evil Wizard wanted a Elf of his own to serve him and him alone whiles he was staying here. Dobby's a rare elf. Dobby doesn't need to be bound. Dobby's core is strong enough that he can live withouts a family if at the end of serving the evil wizard and is wanting to be alone. Woulds be understandings ifs he made that choice. Dobby's... not right now, because of that service, but stays with family. Dobby will punish himself very badly over small things, now..."

"Sadly the only way we can keep him in line, to keep him from going completely out of his head.. is to... 'indulge' him in his need for punishments," Lucius sighed and rubbed at his head again.

"But that's cruel!" Aunt Petunia shouted in shock.

"Is needed," Pippy said firmly with a wag of her finger at Harry's Aunt forestalling any further explosion. "If Master or Mistress does not issue SOME kind of punishment themselves, even small punishment, he will hurt himself badly. Dobby's nearly killed himself when forgiven for a mess he had made without having punished himself. Yous need to try to avoids thankings him as well as Dobby's will fall into tears about missus or messers greatness. Is what the evil wizard did to him that made him this way and wes was not able to undo what evil wizard did to Dobby's mind. We is worried about letting him finds another family that does not understand him. We is worried they will not stop him in time if he goes to hurt himself ifs they say theys forgive him without issuing punishment first. Must stop him from doing worse harm by saying something along the lines of 'don't hurt yourself any more, what yous done is punishment enough' and he wont hurt himself worse then what he's first trying to do to himself. We's also worried if he goes out alone to lives by himself that he will hurt himself or gets into accident."

"Pavlov's dog and a Catch 22..." Mr. Granger shook his head. "That's... very sad."

"Pardon?" Lucius said with a blink, obviously not getting the references.

The adults then had fallen into a lengthy discussion concerning the origins of those terms, further information about house elves and their treatment, which, in all honesty, wasn't that great with a lot of the pure blood families that were known for using dark magics but was better for the 'grey' or 'light' families. The 'Dark' families tended to indeed treat the house elves like out-right slaves if not have a disgusting habit of 'elf hunting'. That last had been mentioned by Sirius with an expression of disgust that was mirrored by Hermione. Following that they started talking about how the legal system of the Wizarding world worked (Sirius was understandably bitter about That subject).

The kids promptly, and understandably, found themselves bored to tears. Even Hermione grew somewhat bored, as much as she loved to learn and read she already knew about the two terms her father mentioned and wasn't quite interested in legal-babble at the moment. As such, Draco led them outside to the broom shed and the group of children started flying about. The adults had only joined them outside around ten minutes ago.

Harry shook his head to clear his thoughts of the rather grim, yet informative, conversation from earlier and hovered his broom a little closer to Beth.

"Do you think things will be quiet this year?" He asked.

"Possibly. We know that Riddle-boy is still around and we know about the prophecy," Beth's expression went dark for a moment before she seemed to shake herself and settle back against the tree. "Dumbledore has warded the castle further, updating the old magics over the school break so that will help. In all honesty dear Harry, while I am hopeful for a quiet year, I am not expecting it."

"I see," Harry said with a frown. He nodded his head after a moment. "I'll do my best to stay out of trouble."

"Hrm, trouble seems to find you dear Harry," Beth flashed him a rueful grin. "We will see, hm? Now, no more worries for the time being. Tis your vacation, go! Frolic!"

"I'm not an elf!" Harry laughed as he flew out of range of her swiping hand. "I don't frolic!"

That earned him confused looks from the others and he laughed louder in response and flew up into the air to chase after the snitch with a whoop.

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*pushes soap-box into place and then steps on it and clears throat*

Welcome everyone to the second installment of HPIF, Harry Potter and the Imaginary Friend: Chamber of Secrets!

I will still be editing HPIF and family issues are still... issues, though things are calming down finally. Writing will still be slow so please bare with me.

Now, the big reason why I got this box out; I still needed Dobby to be Dobby but I couldn't have the Malfoy's being needlessly cruel since this AU has Lucius telling the truth that he was under the Imperius. I don't know for sure of course if JKR actually meant for the House elf situation to be true slavery or if there was a deeper reason behind it but in this AU I wanted to have logical reasons for WHY they might subjugate themselves to potential horrible treatment, hence the 'Remora/shark' symbiotic relationship example that Hermione uses and the 'details' shared by Pippy. House elves aren't humans. Centaurs aren't humans. As much as humans, magical and muggle, might try to understand these creatures there is one simple, fundamental truth; they are not human and thus human ways are not and possibly CANNOT be THEIR ways. This is the point I was trying to make, I am not trying to offend anyone.

Hermione will still make a version of 'S.P.E.W' with a better name (why did she choose spew? egh) that focuses on good treatment for house elves now that she has some more background and she will have a better time with this venture both because she understands better and because of the Black name backing her up. Sad but true that you can get somewhere politically a lot easier if your family name is well known. *shrug*

With that said, reviews are welcome and flames will be summarily ignored!

*jumps off box and kicks it away while holding up a plate of cookies* Please enjoy!


	2. Chapter One: Visit from a Shaggy Dog and

Harry Potter and the Imaginary Friend: Chamber of Secrets.

Voter results for 'Who should Harry be in a relationship with?'

There was a strong voter base of 54% for Luna, 47% for Hermione and 12% for Ginny.

Keep in mind that the vote wonder really take effect until later on and that there might be some flubbed dating attempts with other characters but you guys have chosen for Harry/Luna LATER on. These kids are only 12 and 11 respectively, Luna is JUST starting school.

There is another Vote at the end of this Chappie folks!

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Chapter One: Visit from a Shaggy Dog and a Woeful Elf.

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Harry collapsed onto his bed with a faint groan. It was two weeks before school started and he was back at Privet Drive for the last of his summer. He and the others had SUPPOSED to have remained at Draco's until the last three days before school and instead they had been sent back to their respective homes.

It wasn't that anyone had done anything wrong. Lucius Malfoy had been experiencing migraines that had started to leave the older man laid out and the adults had all thought it best not to have rowdy kids around causing noise that might make the migraines worse.

Draco had been understandably upset that he would not be able to hang out with his friends for the allotted time frame and also worried about his father's waning health. Harry could understand that but now he was BORED. Dudder's had gone over to his friend Piers' house for the week and Harry had no interest in playing any of the video games they had alone. It was so much more fun to do things multi-player, especially Mario Kart. Hedwig had gone out hunting so he wasn't able to play with her by tossing up food scraps and having her catch them and return to him.

Harry felt like a good sulk was in order and was prepared to do so when a plush bear, a gag-birthday-gift from the twins for 'ickle-harry-kins' that changed colors at random when he touched it, beaned him in the head and knocked his glasses askew. The bear had turned purple upon hitting his head and as he caught it in his hand it turned the color of vomit, more that the bear suddenly looked like it was covered in real vomit due to the realistic coloring. His lips curled and he tossed it to the side in disgust as he sat up and mock-glared at Beth.

"I was getting a very solid head of steam built up," he whined. "Why did you have to ruin it?"

"Perhaps because I do not want to see an unsightly and horrid look upon your face Dear Harry," Beth answered with a teasing smile. "Now let us go outside, yes? Fresh air will do you good."

"Oh, I suppose," Harry huffed out with an exaggerated, put-upon sigh as he stood up.

Beth ruffled his hair, to which he responded by letting out a shout and darted past her to bolt out of his room and out the back door. He let out a high-pitched yelp as he tripped over a string and was suddenly soaked through and through by ice-cold water. He sputtered and rounded one his Imaginary, ready to light in on her when barking filled the air. Barking that sounded a lot like laughter.

Harry turned around slowly and saw the black-furred, doggy form of his godfather. His DOGfather was rolling around on the grass laughing and he pointed at Harry every so often with one paw before he started rolling around again, unable to hide his mirth.

Harry was tempted to go back for his wand. Draco had given him a wand sheath for his wrist but he hadn't yet had the time to really get used to wearing it, so both it and his wand were still on his nightstand. He was also firmly advised by the Wizarding adults that underage magic was not allowed outside of the school, yet perfectly concealable in homes with a lot of magic being cast. Something called a 'Trace' couldn't tell the difference between a parent's magic and a kids magic in Wizarding households but would be able to track any magic Harry might cast as his home was a muggle household.

As such, there would be no casting spells on the Prankster Dogfather without setting off the Trace.

Harry frowned thoughtfully as he watched Sirius. He glanced down a moment later and then smirked as he realized the soft ground was soaking up the water rapidly. He bent slowly, carefully keeping an eye on Sirius as he scooped up a big handful of mud. Before Sirius could take note of what Harry was doing, he let his mud missile fly. The mudball landed with a loud splat right over Sirius' eyes as he rolled back onto his belly. The barking laughter stopped abruptly.

Harry watched with a smirk on his face as the mud slowly rolled off of Sirius' muzzle. Eyes that had been clenched shut slowly blinked open and then turned to focus on Harry as he started to snigger. A low growl, not really dangerous but still threatening, sounded from Sirius as he slowly raised up on all fours and started to stalk towards Harry.

Harry burst into full-on laughter at that and started to run around the backyard, dodging and darting Sirius as he tried to pounce on the now-hyper boy. His Aunt poked her head out minutes later to try to figure out what the hell was causing her normally quiet and well-mannered nephew to scream like a mad man when her Dudder's wasn't around doing the same thing. She saw the big black dog and let out a yelp at the sight. She grabbed her largest broom and yelled at Sirius, which caused both boy and man-turned-dog to freeze, only for Sirius to start running around the yard as he tried to keep out of range of the woman's broom as she chased him. Harry fell to the ground laughing and crying in mirth at the sight of his dogfather as he tried to keep out of range of the broom.

Several loud thwaps and resultant yips as the broom impacted on either Sirius' backside or head later Beth finally reached out to lift the still running Sirius into the air about a dozen feet. It took Sirius a few minutes to realize he was no longer on the ground before he stopped moving his legs and panted heavily for breath. Petunia was pale as she looked up at the floating dog, mentally finding herself very grateful that the neighbors were still not yet back from their respective vacations, and still held the broom at the ready to smack the dog if he even looked at her wrong.

Harry managed to get his breath back enough to yell to his Aunt.

"Aunt 'Tunie! It's okay! That's Padfoot! Sirius' dog!" he said as he got to his feet, still sniggering.

"Your godfather's dog?" Aunt Petunia turned to him with a frown. "And just how did that big beast get here?"

"He's a magic dog," Harry said with another smile. "Like the Post Owls, he's really smart and can find me magically if Sirius sends him."

Sirius-as-Padfoot barked his agreement and twisted his muzzle to grab a letter tube that was attached to his collar via break-away clip. Harry hadn't noticed it previously but thought that it was very clever of his Dogfather to have an excuse ready when he arrived as suddenly as he did. Sirius dropped the letter tube and Harry moved forward quickly to catch it. Petunia huffed at the sight.

"Well, have her put the mangy mutt down," as Beth lowered Sirius Petunia scowled as she looked him over. "Look at him! A right mess with all that mud on him! Keep him still!"

Beth blinked at the woman and shrugged at her despite the fact that only Harry could see her but continued to hold Sirius in her magic once he was on the ground once more. Harry refrained from opening the letter tube as he waited to see what his Aunt was doing. Several sounds of pots banging and water running filled the air before Petunia came back out with a large bucket of water, several towels, a wide soft bristle brush meant for clean surfaces that required a gentle touch, which hadn't been removed yet from its' plastic wrapping, and a bottle of baby shampoo. Aunt Petunia preferred the baby shampoo's and conditioner's due to all the vitamins in them and as they were less expensive then several high end adult brands that carried the same 'vitamin rich benefit'. Harry and Dudley had long ago sworn not to tease each other about their Aunt's/Mother's choice in family hair-care products.

Moments later, after Harry helped with the heavy bucket of water, things were set up for 'Padfoot' to get a thorough washing. Sirius tried to struggle free of Beth's magical hold, but found himself unable to move beyond a few twitches. It was like he was wrapped up in a warm fuzzy blanket. Harry raised a brow at Beth and got a playful smirk in return.

"What? He DOES need a bath Dear Harry," came the response.

Harry sniggered again before he moved to help his Aunt bathe his 'godfather's unruly dog'. As they cleaned the black-furred dog Petunia paused every so often to check his claws and bone structure. At one point, once Sirius was rinsed and was being towel-dried by the pair, she sat back on her heels and tilted her head.

"Hmm, I do believe..." she started. "Oh, I might have to ask Marge."

"Ask her what?" Harry asked with a grimace. He didn't LIKE Aunt Marge or her dogs, they tended to be rather mean-spirited creatures.

"I do believe your Godfather's dog is a Scottish Deerhound, or at least he has the blood of one," Petunia said as she started to brush out the semi-wet fur. "He might be a mixed breed but I can't spot that sort of thing as easily as Marge. I'll take a picture of him later and send it to her. That'll be easier then a visit and will take care of the 'monthly letter'."

Harry nodded his head at that. A visit normally involved the two boys taking care of one or two of Marge's dogs. It also normally ended with both boys tending to minor bites on their hands. Better a letter with a picture.

"And you can tell her that it isn't our dog but my Godfather's, that way she wont demand to visit to see if 'the dog is of pedigree'," Harry said with a smile.

His Aunt laughed a little at that, not denying the relief at the thought of not having to see the other woman. Together the two packed up the cleaning supplies but then Petunia tapped at her lips.

"Harry, go get the trimmers and a fresh comb," she ordered a moment later. Sirius shot him a desperate look once his Aunt's words registered to the befuddled man-turned-dog.

"Um, you're not going to give him a bizarre cut are you?" he asked. "I'm not sure Sirius would like that."

"No, no," Petunia waved her hand. "Just a trim. He's awful shaggy even after that wash. A trim will do wonders I'd think."

Sirius relaxed a touch at that, just a touch, and Harry took that as consent. He darted inside to grab the required items before moving back to his Aunt's side at a more sedate pace, having learned a long while back the lessons involved with 'running with scissors' and the pain of injury when he tripped and nicked his hand. His Aunt had been quite firm with him for a week after that, tending to his wound but making sure he understood just how painfully disappointed she was with him.

He really didn't like disappointing the people that cared for him...

He handed over the tools requested and watched as she gave Padfoot a meticulous trimming. Sirius looked somehow both bored with it all and worried about what his Aunt was doing as he would try to turn his head every so often only to find himself firmly locked in place due to Beth's magic. Once done Petunia nodded her head and gave Padfoot a pat on the head.

"Good boy, you behaved yourself quite nicely," she said as she packed up the last of the supplies and started inside. "Dinner is in an hour Harry!"

"Alright Aunt 'Tunie!" Harry called back. He watched Sirius as he was finally released from Beth's magical hold and started to look himself over. Harry was sure that his dogfather was making sure he didn't have a poodle cut. Harry snickered at the thought before he gave Sirius a pat.

"Such a goo' boy you are," Harry said as he exaggerated his accent a little.

Sirius rolled his eyes as they started inside.

-=-=*/*/*=-=-

Food was ready an hour later, steak, potatoes and veggies, with a spare medium rare steak cut up into pieces and very lightly seasoned for Padfoot being set on the floor. Harry laughed a little bit as they ate, watching as Padfoot ate very neatly and properly for a dog. Aunt Petunia commented on it, very surprised that the dog was actually so well trained.

Harry snickered again and then remembered the letter that Padfoot had given him.

"Aunt 'Tunie? Can I read the letter Padfoot brought?" he asked.

"It is 'May I?' and yes, you may," she said as she polished off her own food.

Harry smiled and set aside his fork and knife before he grabbed the letter tube and pulled free the letter from Sirius.

The letter itself didn't go over too much. Mostly that 'Padfoot' would be visiting quite a bit over the last few days of summer. Also that Lucius was somewhat better now that the house wasn't full of rowdy children but the man was still out of it and his temper frayed. There was a concerning note that several wizarding children with pet rats had found their pets missing without reason and, as a result of the thefts, a rumor that someone was stealing the pets for potions ingredients, rat spleens being needed for some potions both legal and illegal. Ron's pet rat had been included in the list of missing pets and Sirius had bought the boy a small pint-sized owl as a replacement pet when he'd heard the news. Harry couldn't imagine loosing Hedwig and figured Ron was fairly devastated at the loss of the Family Rat. Hopefully the gift Sirius had gotten him would help with the loss.

The last part of the letter mentioned stated that it was written by Remus and that number 12 Grimmauld Place in London was now available for visitation from others, up to and including the Imaginary Beth, Harry's Aunt Petunia Evans and Dudley Evans if they are shown this letter. Harry felt... almost a shimmering shiver as if the world was righting itself somehow and he blinked rapidly at the letter. Petunia noticed his odd expression and turned to him with concern in her eyes. Beth, too, looked concerned and yet slightly confused.

"Harry, are you alright?" his Aunt asked.

"I.. think so?" Harry blinked again and noticed there was a small P.S. now on the letter. "Huh. That wasn't there a moment ago."

"What?" asked both his Aunt and Beth.

"'You would have just felt something uncomfortable'," Harry read out loud for their benefit. "'Like the world just shifted or like you had this huge epiphany. Yes, I know big words, shut up Remus. Sorry, Quick Quotes Quills pick up everything Pup. Anyway, what you just felt was you being let in on the Secret of where I live. We recently put the house under Fidelius and are letting a few people know the location. After the attack last year we thought it prudent to ready a location in case the Order was needed again. Hopefully not, 'cause I want you to have a fun childhood. Anyway, if you want to share this with your Aunt and Cousin that's fine, just warn them that the magic of the Fidelius prevents anyone from talking about the place in question. Even now if you tried to say the location you'd trip over your own words. Only the Secret Keeper can tell others, which is why Remus had to write out that part of the letter. Anyway, show this letter to AT LEAST your Beth and then to your Aunt and Cousin IF your Aunt is okay with things. With that said, lots of love Pup!'"

Harry left off the last part of the P.S. as it was a 'Don't get caught causing trouble!' comment. He grinned and then held the letter out for Beth to read. He watched in fascination as her eyes lost focus and she seemed ready to faint for a brief moment before the world seemed to settle for her. He then set the letter on the table close to his Aunt and went back to eating his steak and potatoes. He knew that she would pick it up on her own if she decided she would like to know the Secret.

They ate in silence for several more moments before Petunia slowly pushed the letter back toward Harry. He had to fight back a flash of disappointment and offered his Aunt as reassuring a smile as he could instead. She returned his smile with a slightly sickly looking one.

"I... can't read it right now Harry, perhaps another time," he nodded at his Aunt's words and she relaxed a touch before she continued. "You may show Dudley the letter."

"Thank you Aunt Petunia," Harry said with a smile.

They ate in silence for a few more moments before his Aunt patted at her lips with a napkin. She raised a brow at him and offered a faint smile.

"The Ladies and I have reconfirmed tomorrow for our little get together," she said. "Would you like to join us this time? You can help me get things ready."

"I'd like that Aunt 'Tunie," Harry said with a smile as he set aside his silverware. "Full tea?"

"Yes. We will need to ready fresh brewed tea, savories, scones, sweets and dessert. The ladies will be by at five o'clock sharp," Petunia stood and started to gather up the plates and silverware. "We want to be ready fifteen minutes before hand. You recall your etiquette lessons?"

"Of course!" Harry nodded his head and grinned at his Aunt. "Be polite, offer to take their coats, serve the guests first from eldest to youngest, then you, then me. I've helped you with these before, I haven't forgotten."

Petunia rolled her eyes, "You'd be surprised at what you rascals can forget when it is convenient for you."

Beth nodded her agreement solemnly despite the fact that she couldn't be seen by his Aunt.

Harry stuck out his tongue at both of them.

-=-=*/*/*=-=-

The next day was spent getting ready for his Aunt's get-together. Three women would be coming over to spend time with his Aunt and discuss things that ranged from their respective gardens to which celebrity scandal was 'the worst sort of display'. Years ago his Aunt's group had numbered nine total, including her, but many of her friendships fell to pieces once his Uncle was removed from the home. This was both because his Aunt had only maintained the relationships with three of the wife's of Uncle Vernon's work associates and it was the 'polite thing to do at the time' and because two of the women had looked down on his Aunt for divorcing the man regardless of his actions that led to him being arrested. Marriage was absolutely sacrosanct to those women regardless of what kind of monster the husband had turned out to be. Aunt Petunia should have 'stayed true to her vows'.

The last two Aunt Petunia had all but booted out of the house in her anger, having told them in no-uncertain terms that she would not remain married to an abuser of children, that she was glad she had worked up the strength to divorce such a man and that she and the children in her care were healthier then they had been in years now that That Beast was gone, Thank You VERY Much.

Her remaining three friends; Mrs. Figg, Mrs. Dean and Mrs. Zinter, were women who had been friends from before her marriage and had stuck by her throughout it all, had continued to hold the smaller tea parties with his Aunt. While his Aunt's social circle had diminished, it was still a rich gossiping circle that was now free of hidden barbs and biting comments.

Harry was happy for his Aunt and happy to help her with the arrangements. The pair worked together to ready all the small sandwiches, the scones, the little sweets and even a nice set of mini cakes for dessert. Days like this were just as much fun as gardening together.

Four forty-five rolled around faster then they expected but they had everything ready just in time for the first knock on the door. Harry rushed to the door to pull it open and smiled up at Mrs. Figg, she would baby-sit for him and Dudley every so often when his Aunt had needed a break.

"Good evening Mrs. Figg," Harry said politely. "May I take your coat?"

"Such a dear boy," she said as she gave him a pat to his head before she handed over her cat-fur covered coat. "You may want to shake it out, I did my best with it before I left."

"That's okay ma'am! I'll have it cleaned up for you before you go," he responded.

She gave him another pat to the head and went further into the house. Harry quickly slipped outside, Beth on his heels. He grinned at her and she nodded her head in response. He raised the coat up and gave it a strong shake. As he did so he felt the familiar tug on his Core as Beth used the link to his magic and the next thing they both knew, a cloud of cat hair filled the space in front of them. The hair hovered there for a moment before being vanished as it settled to the ground.

"We clean it every time she comes over," Beth said with a shake of her head. "And it is worse each time. I wonder if her cats are smart enough to purposely shed as much as possible on their human's coat?"

Harry laughed at that, "I honestly wouldn't be surprised if some of them were half-kneasle like Hermione's kitten, well cat now, he's gotten big last I saw. Anyway, they always watch Dudley and I when we go over and have stopped us from breaking things before."

"Hmm, that is a thought," Beth responded as they went back inside.

Next to arrive was Mrs. Dean, the oldest of his Aunt's friends and also a teacher at the closest academy. The woman was always on Harry about learning Caligraphy. After having to use a quill all last year for school he was actually hoping to show her his improvement. She simply gave him a pat to the head and a small smile in response to his greeting before handing him her coat. She never did ask him how he managed to get out some of the ink stains that inevitably ended up on her coat sleeves.

Once Mrs. Dean's coat was dealt with and hung up on the coat rack Harry and Beth moved back to the front door. A few minutes later and the last knock sounded. Harry grinned brightly and opened the door.

"Mrs. Zinter! Welcome! How are you today?" he asked.

Mrs. Zinter laughed happily at his cheerfulness and swept him up into a hug before she set him down with a pat on his cheek.

"I am doing very well. Is Dudley here today?" she asked with a grin.

"Not today ma'am," Harry answered with a shake of his head. "He's hanging out with Piers this week."

"Ah, well I suppose I will have to do without watching you two squabble over the last of the savories," she said with a smirk.

Harry couldn't help it as he rolled his eyes at her comment. She gently tapped the back of his head and then handed over her coat. He laughed and hung up the coat before following her into the sitting room.

"Petunia!" Mrs. Zinter called out as she hugged his Aunt. "How are you doing, love? And look at your hair! Lovely, it's getting longer and stronger! I take it the Thyme and Coconut oil massage before washing has been helping?"

His Aunt had her hair up in a braid today and, now that Mrs. Zinter had pointed it out, he did notice that her hair was longer and healthier then it had been. He smiled and went to grab the tea set as the women started chattering at each other.

The full tea service was going perfectly, with very few mishaps on Harry's part, the worst one being that he would forget constantly to put out his pinkie finger as he sipped his tea. He got up and took everyone's plates into the kitchen as they finished off their sweets, intent on grabbing the dessert cakes, and came to a confused halt. A house elf was in his kitchen. A house elf that twitched and muttered and seemed on the verge of crying. The house elf squeaked when he saw Harry.

"Mr. Harry Potter sir! Is honor to meet you!" the elf, male from what he could tell, bowed low and then stood straight, still twitchily twisting the edge of the sack he was wearing.

"Um, pleasure to meet you," Harry said without thinking.

He almost groaned as the elf started bawling as quietly as one could bawl. Draco and his Mother had mentioned that thanking a house-elf could set some of them off into tears depending on how they'd been treated by their families. Despite the symbiotic relationship between house-elves and wizarding families, many did get overlooked if not outright abused. Harry rushed to put the plates into the sink and then lightly patted the elf on the arm.

"Hey now, stop crying," Harry tried to order in a calming tone. "It's alright."

The elf stopped crying a moment later, though he still sniffled a bit every now and then.

"So... why are you here? Did your family send you?" Harry asked.

The elf pulled sharply at his ears at the question. Hard enough that Harry winced.

"No... no Dobby's family doesn't knows he is being here," the elf, Dobby, said. "I's came to warn the great Harry Potter Sir."

"Warn me?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Yes sir," Dobby seemed to draw himself straight. "Harry Potter Sir CANNOT go back to Hogwarts this year!"

"Can't...?" Harry blinked rapidly before he frowned. "I have to go back to school. I can't just abandon my education!"

"Danger Sir Harry Potter Sir!" Dobby yelped out. "Yous will be in danger if yous go! Need to stay here to stay out of danger!"

"The school is one of the safest magical places," Harry said firmly. "Professor Dumbledore wouldn't let anything happen to the students there."

"Great Headmaster Mugwump is not being able to protect against what be coming," came the firm statement. "Mr. Harry Potter Sir MUST stay!"

Harry stared at the elf for a long minute before he shook his head. "If people are in danger then I'm not going to stay home just because you say I need to. I'll tell the Headmaster what you told me, that way he can protect the school."

"Yous not listening! Mr. Harry Potter Sir CANNOT GO," Dobby said firmly, his eyes flashed with a mad light just as he flashed out of sight from in front of Harry.

Harry jerked back and looked around the kitchen. He then, getting a very bad feeling about things especially when he noticed that the little cakes and their tray were missing from the table, darted for the door that led to the sitting room. Dobby was hanging onto the stairwell at the very top of the stairs and was pointing a finger at the air above where his Aunt and her friends were sitting. Beth was napping on the window seat and was not aware of anything yet. Harry twisted to look back at Dobby.

"Don't you dare," Harry hissed.

"Say yous stay!" Dobby hissed back, the madness from moments ago still in his eyes.

Harry stood straight and shook his head at the elf. "NO."

Harry YANKED on his connection to Beth, which caused his Imaginary to jerk into a sitting position and look around the room wildly. She caught sight of the plate of cakes just as Dobby snapped his fingers and spun the plate upside-down to cause the cakes to fall. Harry winced at the sight but Beth had realised what was happening in time to stop the cakes from falling into anyones sight and raised things back up to where everything was on the plate again.

Harry was set to let out a sigh of relief when Dobby let out a frustrated sound and snapped his fingers a second time. This time the cakes appeared right above everyone's heads and Beth didn't have the time to stop them from hitting those below. Dobby disappeared with a satisfied look on his face and the two left behind shared a panicked look as the women started exclaiming in shock.

What happened COULD have been forgotten. Beth was quick to use her link to Harry's Core to make a hook at the ceiling, a hook at the center of the silver tray that had held the cakes and a near see-through string that led to Harry's hand as if he had been attempting to 'magically' lower the cakes to everyone as a special treat. It ALMOST worked.

If only the damn letter hadn't popped into existence out of nowhere right in front of Aunt Petunia for her to catch...

Mrs. Figg pursed her lips, Mrs. Dean gave a strained and nervous sounding laugh and Mrs. Zinter blinked rapidly for a moment before she looked down at her tea cup.

"Petunia, Love, what the hell did you put in the tea?" she asked.

-=-=*/*/*=-=-

Thank you again everyone for reading, hope you enjoyed the chappie!

Thank you to my good friends at work, Mrs. Dean and Mrs. Zinter for letting me use them as Petunia's 'old friends'. I pestered them on how they might react to the scene above and that is what we get. We'll have the chance to see them later on, as Harry has a better relationship with his Aunt and thus knows more about her likes/dislikes/friendships.

To anyone who is curious; no, Beth using Harry's magic is just different enough, otherworldly enough, NOT to set off the Trace. Unlike Dobby's who Does set off the Trace as the magic used is... 'of the realm' if you will. As her magic, even when using Harry as a... power source if you will, is 'NOT of the realm' it doesn't trigger anything.

Alright, as far as this next vote goes;

Snape has been adamant that he remain single and that his love for Lily remain untouched and pure. Can't seem to get him to budge and he keeps yelling 'Dunderhead!' or worse at me when I try to broach the subject of putting him with another character from the books or even an OC. I've stopped bothering him as I don't want to be used for Potions Ingredients.

Remus is doing the same thing when it comes to Tonks... I keep asking him if that means that he is going to get himself killed and he keeps saying 'maybe' and wont answer me 'until I am further in my story'...

He's a right Arse keeping me on the edge of my seat isn't he? I worry about him the Stubborn wolf!

To that end I had to look elsewhere for Sirius.

The first thing that came to mind is a Petunia/Sirius relationship... They aren't really telling me anything as far as a YAY or Nay... so I want to ask for your opinions.

Sooo... Would you kindly review and vote?

Keep this in mind when voting that Petunia still has only accepted that;

ONE, YES Harry is a wizard but that doesn't mean she has to like it, magic DID take away her sister twice over when Lily started going to school and when magic killed her.

TWO, she can only deal with the school subject of Potions and has forbidden Harry from talking about any other classes with her. Potions to her is like Chemistry combined with Cooking and thus there is Logic and Sense behind the class thus it is SAFE to talk about.

THREE, while she accepted and wears the charmed Lily surrounded by Petunias Charmed Necklace from Harry, she does not think about the specialized charms on it nor has she made the necklace go through its' cycle of blooming more then twice to get it where she likes it in a mostly open bloom.

Four, yes she went to Diagon Alley for the blood testing but that had put her through a large amount of strain to maintain her composure especially upon meeting Goblins of all things. She had to think of it like going in for a Muggle Paternity Test to get through it. And while she did meet up with the Malfoy's, thinking that she had to visit on that first day to show proper and polite decorum as the Malfoy's are a part of 'high-end polite society' and she still likes that sort of thing, and found out about House Elf's she is still very leary of the magical world. Every step she has taken thus far into the magical world as Harry's Aunt has been very painful for her and she could relapse to a 'F^(% IT! Don't tell me anything!' kind of mindset very quickly if something went wrong.

FIVE, a relationship between these two, successful or not, will involve a LOT of baggage from them both. Petunia for her continued feelings about magic and the treatment from Vernon (Again for this story she was also on the receiving end of poor treatment from the man but Harry got the worst of it) and Sirius recovering from his lost time while in Azkaban.

THIS WILL NOT BE AN EASY RELATIONSHIP IF THE VOTES TALLY FOR A 'YES' OR EVEN FOR A 'GO FOR IT BUT HAVE IT END WELL/BAD'.

With that in mind, please vote on the following;

Yes, successful relationship with a lot of rough bumps

No, Dont even try it! Pick someone else!

Start a relationship between them but have it end amicably when they realize things wont work out.

Start a relationship between them but have it end horribly when they realize things wont work out.

Please Read, Review and most of all Vote!


	3. Chapter Two: Triple Trouble at Diagon Al

Thank you again everyone for reading!

To AliMagna, Thank you for your review. Tried to respond to your review but you have PM's blocked *shrug* anyway, you raised an Idea for Petunia/Snape. Admittedly I had been thinking of that for a bit myself but, as I mentioned, Snape was adament that it be a no go. Yes, they grew up knowing each other. Yes, as Petunia is getting into potions they would have a lot to talk about and in a lot of ways I liked the pairing myself but... the problem... well, let me let Snape explain.

*Author steps aside to reveal the Potion's Master glowering behind her.*

*Snape rolls his eyes and steps forward with a swish of his robes and an imperious tug at his robe collar.*

What you Dunderheads fail to remember in your... excessive need... to put me together with someone is that...

*His voice switches to a low and angry hiss*

I AM A SPY. I have neither the time nor the luxury to engage in any affair with another person when we are in the middle of a war, a Cold War to be sure but this is War none-the-less. A relationship of such nature would put both myself and any possible... beau... in danger the likes of which your pitiful brains could not HOPE to comprehend. Would you LIKE to see myself or Ms. Evans... or whomever... tortured to death if my fellow Death Eater's are able to obtain even a HINT of a relationship? Merlin forbid that they realize that 'my beau' is a MUGGLE and HARRY POTTER'S AUNT of all things! If the Dark Lord even caught a hint of such a thing in my mind I would be DEAD and the Order would loose its' MUCH NEEDED informant. I may be Ignoring Mr. Potter more then I would in the original books but that is only because I KNOW what... *disgusted and rage filled tone now* That Whale did to the boy in your story. However... This does not make me a nice guy. This does not make me open to the IDEA of a relationship with either sex and, most of all, THIS DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE SUICIDAL TENDENCIES. Other stories may have me setting aside the duty I have assigned myself for a different path to redemption, and thus causing the largest target possible to be painted upon my back in the process, but for this story my path as a spy will hold true. You, yourself, agreed with me regarding this double-edged path.

*Snape glares at the Author and hisses out angrily*

Broach this subject with me again and you will find out JUST WHAT I HAD TO DO to be accepted as a Death Eater. Do remember that despite being the 'All-Powerful Author' you are still nothing but another Muggle.

*Author opens mouth to say something and he smiles slyly*

I am a Master Duelist as well as a Master Legilimens, *he says silkily* do you really think a gun is going to work on me like it might on that fool Riddle? Do remember that I was forced to grow up in a mostly muggle environs for a number of my formative years. Knowledge is Power and my knowledge includes both magical and mundane information. I don't need Magic to kill YOU. Enough gold dust ingested by a person over time can still cause death by heavy metal poisoning and, as it is not a common metal used to poison others, it is less likely to be detected by muggle hospitals. Would you like to find out just how painful of a death that can be first hand?

*Author closes mouth, shakes head and shudders under his glare. Snape stalks off with a huff. Author turns to audience, still shaking, and she smiles weakly.*

...Is it sad to say that that was one of the nicest of the rants I've heard him yell at me in my head when I try to think of ideas surrounding him...? He only allows me so much leeway before he snaps at me about something... I think I'm borderline certifiable that these things happen in my head so much...

Anyway. Thank you so much for the reviews. I do appreciate them! Onward!

-=-=*/*/*=-=-

Chapter Two: Triple Trouble at Diagon Alley

-=-=*/*/*=-=-

Despite the lack of heat the day of Aunt Petunia's tea party, she was able to convince the others that the heat had caused a bit of a mass delusion as far as the 'magically appearing letter'. She was able to convince them that it was a formal letter of acceptance of a 'specialized class' from Harry's 'amazing school' and that he had been trying to surprise her with it. 'Of Course' the letter hadn't appeared out of nowhere! 'Of Course' it had gotten caught on the platter hanging from the string and fell well after the small cakes! Wasn't Harry 'such a sweet boy' to try to make the day special with a little slight of hand?

With careful wording and a skeptical look from Mrs. Zinter, Aunt Petunia was able to shuffle her friends off with an apology after helping them clean up. Afterwards she rounded on Harry.

"What happened?" she asked darkly.

He frantically explained to her and Beth about the house elf, the 'dire warning' and the elf's attempts to coerce Harry into staying home. His Aunt sighed heavily at that and she moved to sit down.

"I will inform Dumbledore," she said as she rubbed at a spot above her eye. "I needed to contact him anyway to see if we can get your school supplies early."

"You want me to go this week instead of next week?" Harry asked with a blink.

"As I am going with you this time, yes," she grimaced. "I would like to avoid the rush of a school supply shopping crowd."

Harry thought about that for a moment, noting that Beth was nodding her head at the wisdom of his Aunt's words. If she was going to be a little more immersed in his Magical life then it was best to do so with controlled environments.

"Can I invite the Weasley's, the Grangers and the Malfoy's then?" Harry asked. "Sirius and Remus, too? That way you have a few trusted... acquaintances around that will be able to get you out quickly if there is a problem?"

His Aunt looked thoughtful for several moments before she nodded her head.

"That will be a good idea," she stood and moved to where she kept her stationary and fountain pen. "Go get Hedwig dear."

"Yes ma'am," Harry said with a smile, both relieved that his Aunt would be coming with him and that he wasn't in trouble with her because of that crazy elf.

As he went to his room to get Hedwig off her perch, Beth patted his arm lightly.

"Your Aunt is trying very hard. I worry that she is trying to push herself a little fast though," she said softly. "You will want to watch her closely."

"I know," Harry responded with a small frown. "I'm just so happy that she's giving this a shot. Going to the Alley when things aren't too busy is a step up from not going at all..."

He really wanted his Aunt to enjoy what she could of the Magical world and knew in his heart, despite being only twelve, that if something went wrong she might react poorly. 'Poorly' was putting it mildly though, he was worried she might end up having a panic attack at some point which is why he suggested contacting the other adults. They'd know more about what to do if she did panic over something.

Beth squeezed his shoulder lightly, "I'll keep an eye on you both, Dear Harry. Not to worry. I will watch her and let you know if she needs to leave quickly."

Harry nodded his head, relieved by his Imaginary's words, and took Hedwig into the main room in order to have her take the letter Petunia was writing.

-=-=*/*/*=-=-

The next day Harry, his friends and their respective families (including all of the Weasley's), all met up outside the Leaky Cauldron to get their supplies for school as well as pet supplies. Hermione had brought her cat, Crookshanks, along in order to magically neuter him. Draco had brought his own, new sleek black feline, ironically named Blanc (Xerxes, the garden snake that Harry had found last year and given to Draco, was shedding apparently and wasn't to be disturbed. Xerxes would still be used for communication between Harry and Draco, but Blanc was Draco's true familiar as, like Hermione's Crookshanks, the cat had chosen Draco. In essence, Xerxes was acting as a shared Familiar between the boys but was not bonded to either, in fact the snake actually got along with and behaved best for Narcissa more then either boy. And Harry was a Parselmouth!), for the same reason and Ron had brought along his new pet bought courtesy of Sirius; an owl. He needed supplies for the little guy and Sirius was set on buying the things he'd forgotten to get for the red-head's new familiar.

The owl, named Pigwidgeon by Ron's little sister Ginny (it was the only name the blasted thing responded to apparently), was a small ball of feathery fluff that was constantly flying around Ron's, Ginny's, the Twin's, Draco's, Remus' and Sirius' heads. Harry had to finally resort at one point to catching the bird like he might a snitch and holding him in front of Hedwig, at Beth's suggestion, in a desperate bid to calm the hyper fluff-ball of doom down.

Surprisingly the Snowy Owl's glare was indeed enough to force the smaller bird to calm down and after that he remained sitting sedately on Ron's shoulder.

Mr. Malfoy still looked to be a bit worse for wear. As much as he had his arm crooked for his wife to hold onto, even Harry could tell that that Narcissa was helping to keep him balanced and steady on his feet. Harry shared a look with Draco and he shrugged his shoulders.

"He wanted to be here today. He was pretty adamant about it," Draco told him softly. "Since he's been feeling a little better after some time in Saint Mungo's, mum didn't have the heart to refuse him the fresh air."

Harry nodded in response to Draco's words. Together the two boys managed to actually keep the other children with them corralled a bit better then the adults. All they needed to do was stop by each of the others and mention that both Petunia and Lucius were not doing well and 'would you kindly behave yourselves?' The Twin's actually gave a mocking salute but did cut back on their joking around after Draco and Harry talked to them.

While gathering most of the school supplies went smoothly, it still ended up being rather hectic. Mrs. Weasley had to break from the group and was now off trying to round up her brood, the Twins had disappeared into the joke shop, Percy had gone to meet up with someone at the ice-cream shop and Ginny had silently darted into the pet store. Things then hit a rather horrible snag just outside the potion's supply store. Just as Sirius and Remus started for the door, Professor Snape exited the building with a flaring of robes.

The tension in the air became virtually palpable.

Remus had gone pale at the sight of the dour Professor and Sirius suddenly looked like he was sulking. In contrast Snape's expression, which had been mild at first, was now blank of all emotion save for the anger in his eyes. For the moment, the rest of them might not have existed at all for the way the three were focused on each other and as such no one made a move.

Remus broke the silence first.

"It... is good to see you well, Severus," he said with a weak smile. "How have you been since the trial?"

"Well enough," Professor Snape responded coolly. His gaze never left Sirius'. "Taking the Mutt for a walk then? Have you had luck house training him as yet?"

Sirius actually growled and took a step forward. Remus grabbed his friend's arm but Sirius shook off the grip.

"No, Moony! Enough is enough!" Sirius turned back to the dour, and angry, Professor in front of him. "Do you even READ your letters? I've bloody tried to apologize a dozen times!"

"Apologize?" Snape hissed as he moved forward a step. "For being a bully and trying to get me killed by a..."

Sirius cut him off with a frantic wave of his hands. Harry noticed that Moony had gone as pale as his nickname and Beth was watching the exchange with a raised brow as she eyed the men.

"Merlin give me strength!" Sirius snapped out. "It was at the end of our O.W.L year! Fifth Year! Forget the fact that I spouted off the damned directions when I was just trying to get you out of my fuckin' hair, but do you really think that I fully realized what day it was when I was busy cramming my head with as much knowledge as I could? I was a slacker and kept put off studying for my O.W.L.'s until the last fucking minute! You know me and studying, you've taunted me often enough about it over the years! I wasn't thinking straight when I told you where to go and what to do!"

Snape sneered but he also raised an eyebrow at the irate man in front of him. Sirius kept ranting.

"Why in the nine hells do you think James PUNCHED me for being so STUPID as to FORGET the damned date when I mentioned to him that I'd told you what to do?" Sirius said with a growl. "Or did you miss the fact that James chucked a FIST SIZED rock in the general direction of MY HEAD when he dragged you back to the school and I tried to follow to make sure you weren't hurt?!"

Professor Snape eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to let loose what was most likely a scathing comment. Sirius pushed forward and jabbed his finger against the taller man's chest.

"You're a fuckin' mind reader," Sirius hissed. "So read my fuckin' mind and see that I'm telling you the truth. I may have hated your fuckin' guts and I don't LIKE you even now 'cause you're a bleedin' arsehole and a minger, but I'd never wanted to kill your dumb ass. I'll admit to being an idiot, but I'm not a murderer."

Snape slowly looked down at the finger pressed against his chest. He reached out delicately with two long fingers to pull Sirius' digit away as if it were a piece of dirt. The Professor then tilted his head, almost a bird-like gesture, before he looked up through dark lashes to glare into Sirius' eyes. Sirius seemed to relax minutely, holding his hands out to his sides and meeting the taller man's gaze resolutely for several long, breathless minutes while the group watched.

Professor Snape snorted suddenly and turned to head further down the alley with a swish of his robes. He paused long enough to call back over his shoulder.

"This changes Nothing beyond proving without a doubt that you are an ignoramus that should not be allowed to breed, Mutt," Snape said in a scathing tone. "That you should put both Friend and Enemy in danger because you Couldn't Think means you should have yourself Neutered alongside the children's cats."

Sirius grinned in response. Harry wouldn't call it a 'good grin' or a 'bad grin' but it was a grin.

"Yeah, yeah," he said. "Go back to your dungeons and torture someone deserving of it, will ya?"

"Volunteering for torture, Mutt?" Snape snorted. "The Black Madness is plain for all to see. Ms. Granger should limit her time with you less the Madness is catching."

And with that last comment Professor Snape was out of ear shot. Sirius rolled his shoulders before turning back to Remus. Remus was still pale, but looked to be a little more relaxed now that the confrontation was over.

"Batty Bastard always has to get the last word in," Sirius complained, putting a faint whine into his voice. Remus started to say something but Aunt Petunia's voice cut him off.

"You nearly got him killed?" she asked in a high voice.

Sirius realized that he was now the center of the groups attention and that said attention consisted of several dark and various incredulous looks. He withered under the combined gazes and rubbed at the back of his neck. Harry saw the panic spread across his Godfather's face as he realized that Hermione looked to be the most upset, tears were filling up her eyes. Sirius just about had a panic attack when he realized that his little cousin was close to tears.

"Hey now! No! Shi..shoot! No cryin'!" Sirius moved toward her and she ducked behind her parents. The Granger's gave him cool looks. "Hey! Hey! Come on! Talk to me 'Mione, please?"

She peaked out from behind her Mother to glare at Sirius, tears still in her eyes, "You almost got someone killed and he said you were a bully as well. You admitted to... to being stupid... but is it true? Were you cruel as well?"

"I..." he sat back on his heels and looked at everyone. "I'm not proud of it. We thought it fun at the time..."

"I Hate bullies!" came the angry response from the bushy-haired girl as she ducked back behind her Mother.

Sirius was about to say something further, but Harry let out a choking sound and caught the older man's attention.

"'We'," Harry said, dread growing in his stomach and threatening to make him sick. "You said 'We'."

"I..." Sirius waved his hands helplessly. Remus rested a hand on his shoulder and silenced him.

"We were a group, the four of us," Remus said softly. "James and Sirius took... an instant disliking of your Potion's Professor. Peter went along with things for the fun of it and... I... I did nothing because I was terrified of loosing the first friends I'd ever had."

"Remus," Sirius started to say.

"No," Remus said firmly as he looked at Harry, Ron, Draco and Hermione(who was now peeking out from behind her mother again). "I make no excuses. I was the voice of reason for our little gang, and you cannot deny that we were a gang Sirius. I should have done more to curb you."

"We were kids," Sirius said softly.

"So are they," Remus indicated the group of children in front of them. "If we are going to be part of their lives then we need to set an example, a Good example, and that means owning up to what we did wrong."

Sirius flinched at his friends tone. Harry looked away from the two men and looked up at Beth.

"Why didn't you tell me that dad was a bully?" he asked her with a frown.

She raised a brow as she looked back at him seriously, "And how was I to know this? I only knew them after you were born, Dear Harry. I knew nothing of your Father and his friends save for what occurred after your birth and the men I saw were good men. I am no All-knowing Seer to have known the darkness of their past."

Harry flushed at the rebuke and shuffled his feet as he looked down.

"Sorry Beth... I didn't mean... I just," he shrugged helplessly.

"Tis alright Dear Harry," she shrugged and indicated for him to turn his attention back to the others.

Sirius was looking at the lot of them... well, seriously.

"I'm not going to make excuses, but I am going to explain how things started..." Sirius took a breath and shook his head. "Part of it was jealousy on James' part, he liked being the center of attention and Sni... Snape, was on the Hogwart's Train with a pretty, well off looking girl when he looked... poor and mangy looking. It didn't help that... the girl took an immediate dislike to James when almost everyone liked him right off, so he blamed Snape for that and made a few comments about how he looked. Things might have been left well enough alone but after Snape was sorted into Slytherin and the girl into Gryfindor and the two... remained friends..."

Sirius looked down for several long moments before he looked up at the kids. He was ignoring the adults at this point.

"Just... I grew up in a bad household. You've felt the energy there 'Mione," he said softly. Hermione nodded slowly. "I didn't want to be there, didn't want to become a follower of the Dark and because of my parents, their loyalties and their treatment of me... Mother was always worse the father about things but... I wanted to break with them completely. I became the first member of the Black family to be sorted into Gryfindor in almost fifty generations. Even being a Hufflepuff would have been better as far as my parents were concerned. I was never forgiven for it and never wanted to be forgiven for it and I am seriously surprised that I didn't end up disowned outright. I imagine father managed to convince mother that I was just stuck in that 'rebellious stage' and that they would be able to convince me to come back to their side of things. That and he probably put things off long enough before he died that she just forgot to blast me off the family tree afterwards. At any rate, I never did 'go back' to them. Slytherin to me meant Evil Incarnate. For one of my fellow Lions to be friends with a Snake... young as I was that meant that he just Had to be doing something to her, because who wanted to be around people like my Mum and Dad Willingly?"

The adults shifted uncomfortably and Mrs. Malfoy cleared her throat.

"It did not help that you came back to the school the next year and years after with a number of injuries caused by 'accidents,' did it?" she asked.

"Yeah, up until then I'd kept my head down; 'yes ma'am', 'yes sir' 'as you will'. Father would never try to kill an heir, but my mother? You never put anything past that woman. If I'd have been a girl she'd have probably tricked Father into leaving and either aborted me or, if the pregnancy had been too far along, drowned me at birth and claimed 'miscarriage'. She was that messed up," Sirius laughed darkly as everyone else looked horrified by his words. "I suppose that if it weren't for the need to protect my brother when I was younger and then the friends I'd made in your father Harry, and in Remus and Peter, that I'd have ended up with my own Imaginary Friend at some point. Sometimes I'm still surprised that I didn't end up with one. At any rate, I fueled the feud that developed between us and Snape, I wont deny it. At that age I thought all Slytherin's were evil and it showed in... my treatment of them."

"Was it... did that incident you were talking about change how you thought?" Draco asked weakly.

The blonde boy LIKED Sirius and Harry knew that he didn't want the older man to hate him just because of his house affiliation.

"Yeah, it did," Sirius said with a nod. "I might not have been thinking about things clearly because of the exams and Merlin knows I never would put a friend in danger knowingly, but James... he was so angry at me. He asked me if my hatred of Snape and Slytherin's in general meant that I was trying to get him killed on purpose. He... wasn't nice about it either. The punch I could have handled... his words..."

"What did he say?" Hermione asked softly.

"He..." Sirius took a steadying breath before he continued. "He asked me if I shouldn't have been sorted into Slytherin with the way I was acting at the time. He questioned why I had always egged him on as far as Snape was concerned. He even questioned... why I looked so happy when Snape finally broke ties with... his friend in Gryfindor, earlier that year after we pulled a... particular prank. It was a punch to the gut, to be told that I was acting more like how I'd always said a Snake would act then acting like a proper Lion."

Sirius shifted uncomfortably for a moment before he sighed. "Our little group... it took a while for us to make up. We left Snape alone after that and he left us alone, no more reasons to retaliate despite the anger built up between the lot of us, but... we weren't the same. James took things more seriously after that, enough to earn being Head Boy for our seventh year. We still pulled a few pranks every now and then but Remus can tell you that James made sure that the pranks were pulled equally across the houses and were never... malicious in nature after our Fifth year."

The group was silent for several moments before Aunt Petunia cleared her throat.

"You mentioned letters?" she asked.

"Yeah, my Healer at Saint Mungos said it would be a good idea to write down replies to the many 'We're so sorry!' letters I've gotten after my release," Sirius rolled his eyes. "I kinda snapped after getting one too many, started yelling things along the lines of 'why didn't you believe in me sooner' and 'if you believed in me all along why didn't you find out I hadn't gotten a trial and gotten me out sooner!?' She said it would be a good idea to write things down instead of bottling my feelings up and blowing up later, even if I never actually sent the letters out. It helped. After a bit I asked her if it was a good idea to write out... you know, apology letters... for times when I was stupid and hurt someone because of things. She actually said she was proud of me for taking the initiative and thinking of that on my own."

Sirius coughed and rubbed at the back of his neck as he looked at the ground for several long minutes before he looked up at Harry.

"It was actually a bit easier writing out the letters and sending them off to Snape then it was..." he fell silent before he started again. "I've got one that... I'm working on for you Harry... I just... Merlin, how is it easier to write 'I'm sorry I was a stupid git and thought all Slytherin's were evil 'cause of my parents and my desperate desire to prove I wasn't an evil snake myself' to Snape then it is to... to write out... to say I'm sorry for going off half-cocked instead of staying to look after you, Harry. You... you're my Godson... you should have been my First Priority."

Harry wasn't sure how to respond to that. He knew his godfather felt guilty about leaving him behind to go after Peter, to save or confront the man, perhaps even Sirius didn't know which because of his grief at the time. Harry also knew that he'd had a... a fairly good life once it was just him, his Aunt and his cousin. He wasn't angry at Sirius for that... more that he was angry at the thought that his father, godfather, Peter, and even Remus by default of not doing anything, had been bullies when they were younger.

People could choose to change, he believed that, he really did... but right now...

"Sirius..." Harry said slowly. "I'm not mad at you that you left me with Hagrid. You DID leave me with someone you could trust, so that's okay. But being a bully?"

Harry shared a look with the others. Hermione was biting her lip as she met Harry's gaze and she gave a helpless shrug. Harry knew that Hermione was smart and because of her smarts she had been teased badly over the years for being a 'know-it-all' before she even got to Hogwarts. Her parents had long ago bragged that she was reading college level material already at such a young age but Harry knew that her smarts tended to isolate her amongst her peers. He had wondered a few times why she hadn't ended up in Ravenclaw, but also knew she was a very brave girl to have embraced the Wizarding World the way she had. All said and done though...?

"I... WE, need some time Cousin Sirius," Hermione said suddenly as she drew herself up and spoke with as formal a tone as her shaking voice could support. "May we contact you at a later date?"

Sirius reacted like she had slapped him while Harry and the rest of the group winced. Hermione, as the now heir of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black had been learning wizarding etiquette. As such, everyone else; her parents, Ron, Harry (who was heir of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Potter), Aunt Petunia and even Dudley, had been learning it as well. They all knew that those words were the polite way of saying 'Get out f' of my sight' and 'I will contact you when I am good and ready, DO NOT contact me OR ELSE.' Only the shaky and unsure tone in her voice lessened the hidden harshness normally held behind those words. Sirius gave a formal bow as he stood.

"I shall take my leave until such time as you find my company acceptable once more," Sirius responded just as formally and no less as shakily.

Harry and the others watched as Sirius led Remus away from the group a few paces before Apparating away from the Alley. Harry reached over to give Hermione a hug, Draco and Ron doing the same so they were in a loose group hug and she buried her face into Crookshank's fur. Her cat and Draco's, Blanc, both immediately started purring to try to calm their owners.

"Hermione?" Mrs. Granger said softly. "Do you want to go home sweetie?"

Hermione shook her head, "No... no Mum, I'm okay. Let's get the rest of our supplies."

The group continued their supply hunting, being rejoined by the missing Weasley's. After a small explanation as to why people's moods had plummeted, the Twin's got it in their heads to try to cheer people up with the tricks and joke supplies they had bought under their Mum's nose. Mrs. Weasley complained loudly at their antics, but Harry and the others took note of the fact that she didn't take the items from them nor move to stop the Twin's attempts to cheer up the group.

The mood did lighten up somewhat as they continued their shopping and had the cats breeding abilities disabled. Nifty thing about magic in that sense was the spells simply sterilized them without having to remove anything. Hermione confused the hell out of the adult Wizards when she said the 'cats were now shooting blanks'. Everyone, even her parents, ended up blushing brightly as the girl started spouting off information that she'd learned in the Muggle Sex Ed and Anatomy books she'd bought recently along with going over what she knew about firearms. This was also the point where Harry and the others learned that during the summer she was taking, and passing, exams to prove she had a muggle education as well as a magical education. Apparently the muggle education exams were a lot easier for her to breeze through as magic was a little harder for her logical mind to wrap around. Just a little.

The uplifted mood was somewhat muted though as the others could visibly see the Mr. Malfoy was loosing color and starting to look peaky. The last stop was the book store, by mutual agreement the adults had chosen that store last as it would be the one place they might well not be able to drag Hermione from. They'd made good time despite the confrontation in front of the potion's store and could afford to remain at the book store for a while. The group stopped as one near the store though and watched as they realized that stands were being set up for someone's book signing event.

Mrs. Weasley all but swooned when a poster of a blonde, blue-eyed man with a literally shining smile was set up outside the shop. Aunt Petunia and Mrs. Granger both let out an 'oh my' while Mrs. Malfoy simply rolled her eyes at the sight. A breech of decorum that, but the annoyance on her face was clear for all to see. Even Mr. Malfoy looked a bit put out at the sight.

"I know him!" Hermione said excitedly. "He's done all sorts of brave things and then wrote about them. He's face a Banshee and a Vampire and even Bigfoot!"

"Oh yes, all at the very same time too," Mrs. Malfoy said in a dry tone.

"Of course not all at the same time," Hermione said as she rounded on the older woman. "He's..."

Mrs. Weasley cut her off, "Oh, who cares about all that? You can't deny he's decent eye-candy Narcissia."

"Shopping around when you're married, Molly dear?" Mrs. Malfoy said with a smirk that belied the negative words.

"Oh, posh. It takes more then looks to make a husband Narcissa," Mrs. Weasley responded as she did something that made Mr. Weasley jump and blush. "But eye-candy is eye-candy and always nice to look at."

"Hmph, I'll have you know MY husband is both skilled and good looking," now Mr. Malfoy was the one to jump. He pinned his wife with a mild glare, though he too, was now sporting a mild blush on his pale cheeks.

"I suppose he is nice to look at, but that smile is so... flashy," Aunt Petunia mused as she looked at the poster. "Isn't it a bit much?"

Mrs. Granger echoed the sentiment even as she wrapped her arm around her husband's waist.

"And That's why he's just eye-candy dear," Mrs. Weasley said as she patted Petunia's arm and smiled at Mrs. Granger. "Not the sort to become seriously attached to that one."

The younger kids all shared a look before turning to look at the older kids, all of whom looked decidedly uncomfortable. Harry shifted a bit and focused on Beth while the three older women continued their banter.

"What are they talking about?" he asked her.

She snickered softly, "Tis' something to discuss in depth when you are older my Dear Harry. Until then, simply keep in mind a saying 'never judge a book by its' cover.' This blonde pretty-boy is obviously a fake no matter that Hermione looks ready to defend his 'exploits.'"

"Why do you say that?" he asked with a blink.

"Did you not hear Mrs. Malfoy? How is one supposed to face a Banshee, a Vampire and a Bigfoot all at the same time without dying a horrible death?"

"Oh," Harry blinked and his eyes widened in realization. "OH! Then he's..."

"A pretty fraud, yes," she snickered again before she looked at him seriously. "He most likely is using other peoples adventures and writing them out as his own from what she hinted at. The bit question, Dear Harry, is if he has their permission or not. I would..."

"By Merlin himself! Is that Harry Potter!?" came a boisterous cry from the book shop door.

Harry jumped half a foot in the air and spun around to come face-to-face with the living and breathing individual that the poster had depicted. As Harry watched the man flash his trademark smile and Harry saw that his teeth did indeed suddenly flash with an unnatural twinkle just like the poster. The man didn't move until the twinkle stopped and then he was suddenly shaking Harry's hand vigorously.

"Pleasure! Absolute Pleasure to meet you! Harry Potter!" the man called out. "I bet you had no idea that you would be meeting me! Dare I say, the Magical Me! Gilderoy Lockhart at your service!"

"Um... good to meet you sir," Harry said with a blink as he tried to pull his hand away.

"No no! No need to call me 'sir' right now, though later you'll want to keep up the show of respect I expect," Gilderoy flashed him another grin as Harry managed to get his hand free and back up so he was beside his Aunt. He took her hand silently out of nervousness.

"Umm... what do you mean?" Harry asked.

"Why haven't you heard the news? I'm to be your new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher!" the man struck a pose.

Seriously... he struck a pose, wand pointed outward, hand on his hips...

Beth face-palmed beside him. "Oh, by the Balance Eternal... you will be learning not a thing this year..."

Harry found himself silently agreeing with her assessment of the situation as he suddenly found himself being dragged into the book shop. His grip on his Aunt's hand resulted in her being pulled along with him. The rest followed along into the store with various expressions of amusement. The look on the Twin's faces filled Harry with no small amount of dread converning potential teasing at a later date.

Harry really didn't like being 'popular' and wasn't sure he would ever like it.

Even though it was a small 'audience', Gilderoy Lockhart went into a full spiel regarding his books, his book signing, his appointment as the DADA Professor for Hogwarts, his looks, his adventures for his latest book 'Magical Me,' signing a set of school books for Harry and each of his friends and then lastly signing and handing over free copies of 'Magical Me' to the older ladies and the two youngest girls; Mrs. Malfoy, Mrs. Weasley, Mrs. Granger, Aunt Petunia, Hermione and Ginny. The covers of the books beamed up happily at their new and now flustered owners.

The rest of the group tried to gather up their respective books as Lockhart continued to show off for the females of their group. At one point Lockhart snapped his fingers and grabbed Harry as he was trying to gather his Second Year Transfiguration texts. The man then shouted that he had forgotten someone and he 'truly hoped he hadn't offended', before suddenly signing one final copy of 'Magical Me' and handing it to Harry. The man smiled.

"I couldn't forgive myself if I forgot to give your Imaginary a book! Lovely woman! Saw her Image in the Mirror in the papers after the trial!" he said, blantantly ignoring the wizarding custom of 'don't talk about a person's Imaginary unless said person brings them up first'.

Beth moved over to Harry's side at that point, looking a bit annoyied, and reached over Harry's shoulder to open the book cover. The faintest tug of magic later and the book cover was open for her and Harry to view what Lockhart had written on the inside cover.

'The Most Magical Book for the Most Magical Friend from Magical Me!

~Gilderoy Lockhart'

Harry watched as Beth slowly closed her eyes and heaved out a heavy sounding sigh. She let go of the book cover much the same way Snape had let go of Sirius' finger earlier in the day, as if dealing with a piece of filth, and then turned to look for the rest of Harry's needed books without further word.

"Um, thank you for the book sir," Harry said, unsure of what to say beyond that as it was obvious that Beth was offended by the book or perhaps offended at Lockhart's mere presense in the store.

The man beamed at him before going back to his attempts to impress the other, visable, females.

Harry moved back over to Beth's side and suddenly found himself laden with several copies of second year defense books. He looked at them with a blink.

"Um, Beth? What are these for?" he asked.

"It is very much obvious that you will be learnin' not a thing from that blonde fop of a man, you nor your fellow students. Buy those quietly for yer friends. Ye will be learnin' defense this year if I must study those books and teach ye myself," she growled out as her accent got stronger and stronger the longer she spoke. "Tis plain as day tha' tha' PEACOCK ov'r there is naught but a bampot tha' cannae tell his heid from his erse. Glaikit roaster."

She rounded on Harry then with narrowed eyes.

"Dinnae be repeatin' none of tha' now, ye hear me? Tis nae somethin' ye should be sayin', wee bairn that ye are."

Right as Harry was about to agree to behave and never repeat what she'd said, a full blown, roll around fight broke out between Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Weasley that sent the children's collected books and school supplies flying around the room as the men bowled into people.

Even with everyone scattering to get out of the grown men's way as they threw fisted blows, Harry had enough time to grimly take note of the fact that Lockhart had darted behind the store counter to hide.

-=-=*/*/*=-=-

Read and Review please!

Also, word you'll have come across, 'minger', British term for someone 'breathtakingly unattractive'.

Sirius has always called Snape ugly so I figured I'd find a term he might use on occasion when really angry/upset.

I do hope I used these all the right way

*bampot - an idiot, unhinged person, scottish insult

*cannae - can not

*heed/heid - head "a've got a sare heed" or "I've got a sore head"

*arse / erse - bum

*glaikit - stupid ( ya glaikit bastard )

*roaster - someone who is making a complete cunt of themselves ("Here, did ye see that roaster oan x-factor the other night?")

*dinnae - Don't

*bairn - child

Also if you lot are wondering about how Beth's voice sounds? Think of a less scathing Morrigan/Claudia Black from Dragon Age when she is calm (all the tis and twas but with a carefully controlled tone) with a thicker scottish accent when she's pissed off. I think her accents supposed to be scottish/british mix for the game? Anyway... :-)


	4. update

Hiya everyone! This is a small update for all my current stories.

I know I have not posted for several of my current stories recently and I do apologize.

I want to let everyone know that I am NOT abandoning ANY of my stories.

Life has rather kicked me and my family in the teeth recently and things have only recently begun to turn around for me. Thankfully I was able to find a new job after my latest work place received a sudden notice of closure. Finding a new job for myself and my husband has been the major thing that has been affecting my ability to write new chapters for my stories.

Some of you may have noticed that I am still posting for my Legacy of Kain story fairly regularly or updating it. This is only because this story is actually COMPLETE. All I have been able to do lately is editing the existing piece of work via word-pad. Writing new scenes, completely new chapters for my other stories has been difficult to focus on. I have outlines for where I want things to go, but actually shaping the chapters is... hard... with everything that has been going on in my life.

Once settled into the new job I hope to have enough omph in me to start focusing on my other, incomplete works.

Thank you everyone for your kind reviews and your patience in the interim. Again, I am not abandoning a single story and hope to start posting fresh chapters later this year once things have settled down with the new job.

Love to you all!

~Arei the Peridot Dragon.


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